"Reality is like a fine wine. It will not appeal to children." - A successful businessman in Portland, c/o the incomparable Donald Miller in his book, Searching For God Knows What ...
I have been a child in so many ways. Not a child in the "let the little children come to Me" sense, but a child in the most obstinate, strong-willed, human sense.
These last few years have seen many changes -- understatement. And I feel as if that statement passes my lips all too often, as if I'm trying to provide explanation for the new wrinkles around my eyes and the all too frequent discovery of gray hairs on my head. But don't let the wrinkles fool you; I'm still very much a child.
I've discovered over this past month that most of the pain in my life -- aside from the absolute blessing of the Father's discipline -- is caused by both my inability to say no, and my unwillingness to take no for an answer. There are times, whether it be regarding a decision to be made, a relationship with a gentleman, what have you ... when God answers my petitions with a resounding "no", and I barter and haggle until I get my way. Then I do. Then it hurts. Then I'm upset. Then I say things like, "Why are You doing this?" and "What on earth is happening?" ... oh, child.
A few weeks ago, I laid in bed one night, plagued with the recurring doubts of my past and youth (ironically enough), grieving over choices and things left unsaid, and I cried. Hard and loud, like a child. And I heard that "still, small voice" and He said, "No." He said no; and it was the absolute most comforting sound in the world at that moment. No! No, don't grieve any longer. No, don't question any longer. No, don't carry this guilt and shame. No, you can't have that dream. No, you have to wait. No.
I felt as if I could breathe again. In a moment my chest obtained greater capacity to breathe, to live. All because He said no ... and this time it was okay. No more fighting, no more haggling, no more sulking, no more shame. I am thankful that He has said "no" so many times. He has denied me things that will surely hurt me and said "no" to free me up for the things He will say "yes" to.
He is a good God.
Back to the wine ... I'm not at all saying that a person's distaste for alcohol has any correlation to their spiritual maturity. However, the principle is absolute. When you become a man (or woman) you put away childish things and put on maturity; this is a sign of falling in love, growing in love with Jesus. Your tastes change, you gain a greater capacity to perceive God and His glory with these feeble eyes and ears and taste buds.
I'm turning 23 in a week or so ... and I'm looking forward to growing up. I'm looking forward to being in relationship with Christ, having my tastes change, and thereby experiencing more of Him. I'm looking forward to having my life catch up with the wrinkles on my face and the gray hairs on my head. Praise God for choosing us to be in relationship with Him -- and for saying "no" when we need it so desperately.
"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. " -Psalm 84:11
7.08.2007
Better Than Wine
"Reality is like a fine wine. It will not appeal to children." - A successful businessman in Portland, c/o the incomparable Donald Miller in his book, Searching For God Knows What ...
I have been a child in so many ways. Not a child in the "let the little children come to Me" sense, but a child in the most obstinate, strong-willed, human sense.
These last few years have seen many changes -- understatement. And I feel as if that statement passes my lips all too often, as if I'm trying to provide explanation for the new wrinkles around my eyes and the all too frequent discovery of gray hairs on my head. But don't let the wrinkles fool you; I'm still very much a child.
I've discovered over this past month that most of the pain in my life -- aside from the absolute blessing of the Father's discipline -- is caused by both my inability to say no, and my unwillingness to take no for an answer. There are times, whether it be regarding a decision to be made, a relationship with a gentleman, what have you ... when God answers my petitions with a resounding "no", and I barter and haggle until I get my way. Then I do. Then it hurts. Then I'm upset. Then I say things like, "Why are You doing this?" and "What on earth is happening?" ... oh, child.
A few weeks ago, I laid in bed one night, plagued with the recurring doubts of my past and youth (ironically enough), grieving over choices and things left unsaid, and I cried. Hard and loud, like a child. And I heard that "still, small voice" and He said, "No." He said no; and it was the absolute most comforting sound in the world at that moment. No! No, don't grieve any longer. No, don't question any longer. No, don't carry this guilt and shame. No, you can't have that dream. No, you have to wait. No.
I felt as if I could breathe again. In a moment my chest obtained greater capacity to breathe, to live. All because He said no ... and this time it was okay. No more fighting, no more haggling, no more sulking, no more shame. I am thankful that He has said "no" so many times. He has denied me things that will surely hurt me and said "no" to free me up for the things He will say "yes" to.
He is a good God.
Back to the wine ... I'm not at all saying that a person's distaste for alcohol has any correlation to their spiritual maturity. However, the principle is absolute. When you become a man (or woman) you put away childish things and put on maturity; this is a sign of falling in love, growing in love with Jesus. Your tastes change, you gain a greater capacity to perceive God and His glory with these feeble eyes and ears and taste buds.
I'm turning 23 in a week or so ... and I'm looking forward to growing up. I'm looking forward to being in relationship with Christ, having my tastes change, and thereby experiencing more of Him. I'm looking forward to having my life catch up with the wrinkles on my face and the gray hairs on my head. Praise God for choosing us to be in relationship with Him -- and for saying "no" when we need it so desperately.
"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. " -Psalm 84:11
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4 comments:
I miss you friend. Thanks for sharing.
Happy early birthday. Oh and can you e-mail me your address when you can spare a moment.
Alissa
Thanks for that C Brown. Once again your sincere relationship with our living God has encouraged me in my own walk.
It may not seem that way to you, but to write with so much self awareness is a sign of maturity, so your journey has begun.
I to travel this road of putting aside my childish ways and becoming mature in him.(Sometimes very slowly)
Welcome back!! Good to 'hear' from you again :) Oh, I can relate to what you are experiencing! I'm 25 now, but still feel like a stubborn child most days! I'm so thankful He loves us like a Father and is patient with us and that He wants more for us than we could ever imagine!! I miss you and hope your summer is going well so far.
Thanks so much for sharing what the Lord has places on your heart - so encouraging...something i needed to hear.
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