Thy Mercy, My God ...

Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song, the joy of my heart and the boast of my tongue. Thy free grace alone from the first to the last has won my affections and bound my soul fast. Without Thy sweet mercy I could not live here. Sin would reduce me to utter despair. But, through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revive, and He that first made me still keeps me alive. Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart, which wonders to feel its own hardness depart, dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground and weep for the praise of the mercy I've found [found me, rather]. Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own and the covenant love of Thy crucified Son. All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.

This is a song by Sandra McCracken. The name may seem unfamiliar, but I'm sure we would all be familiar with her work, she's pretty prolific. Her latest CD (which she produced with her husband Derek Webb, another favorite of mine) has been a comforting soundtrack to my life in the last week or so. In the last little while, I have been very much aware of my need for God's mercy ... Very simple, but very real. It's easy to shove the principle of mercy aside, sticking it on the shelf of worn out Christian idioms ... You might place it somewhere in between John 3:16 and Sunday School felt boards and be content to leave it there. It sits in the archives of "stuff we already know". But I know that I don't know it. I've put it on that shelf many times and God always picks it up and opens it up for me in countless ways, reminding me in fear and trembling that I need Him and His mercy desperately. This morning in the car, all I could ask was for His mercy. It was 9:30 in the morning. If things had gone according to schedule, I would have made this drive about two hours before. I had a paper due in my 8am class (which I slept through) and my 9am class was a lost cause. I had slept through my alarm, in fact, I probably shut it off and went back to sleep -- I can't remember. I was mortified. Why? Probably reputation. Bad grades. There are countless things that, when stripped away, leave us bare and aware of our need of an Advocate. I deserved to be punished. In a way, I wanted to be punished, to feel like I could pay for the mistake myself and be done with it. But I can't. It frustrates me that I can't, but what on earth could I possibly do to make it right? Where did I get the idea that I could? This self-life of mine constantly needs to be submitted and laid very low. And He showed Himself good .... While looking for my professor, she actually found me and gladly accepted my paper. And as I worried about the remainder of the day, about how I would be able to both work and fill a commitment I had made to cook dinner for a new mom in my bible study and make it to my evening class on time .... Just saying it makes me tired ... He cancelled my shift for the day and gave me the freedom of an afternoon for other things. At the end of a day like this, it's easy for me to feel paralyzed. At times it's a stillness of awe, but mostly it's the trembling fear of a child faced with a love she doesn't understand and wanting desperately to respond to it, but at a loss of knowing how. I don't really understand why He is so good to me. The circumstances He delivered me from are so small, but it I can barely put a "thank you" past my lips. A "thank you" seems too small. In that moment it's easy to just shut off, and I often do. It's easy to try and brush off the guilt and console yourself with an empty "thanks" and carry on. Lucky for us we can't. But we can surrender and know that, in Christ, our willingly offered lives bring Him pleasure and honor and He is more than abundant to satisfy His own requirements, including that of a thankful heart. He is not only the motivation, but the sustenance of a thankful heart and life. I want to know this stronger more deeply. I'm glad He keeps taking His mercy off the shelf and reminding me to drink deep. "Thy mercies are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:23