Trista Marie (sorrowful one made perfect)

In true form, here we are, my best friend Trista and myself. This dear friend of mine is getting married in June ... wow. She is finally going somewhere I cannot go. We've been apart since we were 18, only seeing each other about once a year, but when has it ever been about geography? She is plumbing depths that I have yet experience, and I can't go with her. She is entering a covenant that is so beautiful, such potential for the glory of God. It has been encouraging to see her grow and mature into a wife, and still growing into the role --- more and more daily --- I love and respect her increasingly and am so honored to call her friend. Yet, I have undergone wave upon wave of intense emotion. I have listened intently as she describes her feelings and convictions about what is to come ... it's so praiseworthy; theirs is a story full of joy, full of sorrow, full of glory ... full of trust. In listening to and observing her, I have stumbled upon a wealth of pain that I thought had long since left me. I can't seem to refuse the doubt that the Lord has anything in store for me in this regard. Its a nagging wound, quick to reopen and slow to heal. Yet I must refuse this doubt. I must trust. Not in marriage, not even in the potential for marriage on this earth, but I must trust that the Lord will not withhold any good thing from any of His children... from me. His grace is sufficient for me. Not grace plus marriage. He doesn't promise husbands, wives, children ... He promises what we need ... He promises Himself and at a perilous cost has made Himself available to fulfill those roles for us and through us should they arise. Do I believe Him? I still want to. I still do. Last night was probably the last time we will be together before the wedding. Next stop: Iowa. I will never forget the look in Trista's eyes. She was saying something incredible, I know it. Her eyes don't lie. But I didn't understand it. For the first time I didn't understand. Oh, Lord ......... have Your way.