The 100

1. I am at work. 2. I love my job. 3. I can’t believe that I am surrounded by people that are so uplifting… all the time. 4. I hope that I am just as uplifting as they are. 5. I enjoy asking my roommate random questions before we go to sleep at night. 6. Last night’s question was: “if you could sum up your life in one word, what would you want it to be?” 7. She answered: “Service.” 8. I answered: “Love.” 9. That reminds me of a conference I went to last summer… we were asked this question: “What is your shadow mission?” (a mission based on self-interest that is a skewed version of your God-given mission) 10. Mine came to mind fairly quickly. 11. I’m listening to “Boards of Canada” right now. 12. I’m really enjoying ambient music these days. 13. I’m exploring what it means to communicate in non-verbal ways. 14. Sometimes I am too verbal, I think. 15. I want my actions to line up with my words. 16. Leading a life of consistency and balance is one of my most important values. 17. I also value honesty. 18. I’m also afraid of honesty. 19. I like praying with people. 20. I feel like people are in a state of utmost honesty when they pray. 21. Listening to the sound of the Truth being preached through the walls of the prayer room is one of my favorite sounds. 22. If anyone I work with were to read this they’d probably give me a lot of Churchy Points for saying that. 23. But I truly believe it. 24. I hate being called Churchy. 25. There are few things that offend me more. 26. Whoo, that got my heart going. 27. On to better things. 28. I’m not doing so well at playing the mandolin. 29. I’m not getting in very much practice time. 30. If it weren’t so windy, I’d take it to the park and practice in the sun. 31. Then, I would have dinner with my dad. 32. Sometimes being with my dad is a strange mixture of encouragement and frustration. 33. Lately more frustration than encouragement. 34. Someone he is close to died recently. 35. I wish that times like these would drive him into Jesus’ arms for comfort. 36. I know they do, but he fights His embrace pretty hard. 37. I don’t believe him when he tells me that he’s far from God. 38. I believe he’s closer than he thinks… he’s just scared as hell (and scared of hell). 39. Again, I wish he’d run to Jesus. 40. I can hear Anchordown practicing right now. 41. They’re playing the song “Thank You for Loving Me”. 42. It’s bringing tears to my eyes. 43. I love that sound, too… the sound of worship practice through the walls of my office. 44. “Practicing worship” is an interesting phrase. 45. “Practicing worship” should overtake “Worship Practice”. 46. I recently was able to truly practice worship during a worship practice. 47. It was incredibly refreshing and real. 48. I can’t believe I’m on #48. 49. There are so many things I should be doing right now. 50. This list is not one of them. 51. I need to make a phone call regarding the printing of new programs for Living Stones. 52. I can’t stand talking on the phone. 53. Text messaging is even worse (but I do it anyway). 54. Texting isn’t even a word. 55. It has a squiggly red line beneath it. 56. That never signifies anything positive. 57. Misspellings can be funny. 58. The church recently made new coffee cart coupons and there was an awesome typo on the back. 59. Instead of “specialty” coffees, it says “speciality” coffees. 60. I’m not sure if Grace or Living Stones can call coffee it’s “speciality”. 61. We’re getting new coffee soon. 62. It’s Rwandan coffee… buying it supports local farmers and helps rebuild the war-torn country. 63. Shameless plug. 64. I actually had this coffee at a conference last fall. 65. Didn’t really like it—but it wasn’t brewed very well, that’s why. 66. I’m fairly certain that I make my coffee too strong. 67. I’ll probably get an ulcer or something. 68. But, by gosh, I love coffee. I will love it to the end. 69. Good to the last drop, right? 70. Hmmm… Brandon Heath just came on my iTunes playlist. 71. I have mixed feelings about his music. 72. I like it most of the time. 73. He is a good looking fellah. 74. “Fellah” is a strange word. 75. It looks Arabic. 76. What a language that is! 77. I’ve heard that speaking it can be equated with trying to talk with a spoonful of peanut butter in your mouth. 78. Sign me up… NOT. 79. I have a friend that used to eat spoonfuls of peanut butter. 80. He used to put a divot in the center with his tongue and put chocolate sauce in the center. 81. Chocolate makes everything better. 81. I miss that friend. 82. He is with the Lord. 83. Sometimes I picture him in heaven. 84. He’s in a log cabin house (which Jesus’ hands built together with his hands) with light streaming in and around and through the house. 85. There’s tall grass surrounding it—blowing in a gentle breeze. 86. It may not be Biblically accurate and good eschatology… but it’s a comforting picture for my feeble mind to wrap itself around. 87. My phone just rang… it startled me! 88. I love drinking room temperature water. 89. Not too cold, but not at all warm. 90. I’m going to a softball game tonight. 91. I wonder if it will be cancelled because of the wind. 92. If so, no bother… I’ve got plenty to keep me occupied at home. 93. I love saying the word “home”. 94. It feels good to have some semblance of a home on this earth. 95. It’s been a while since I’ve felt that way. 96. This list is 3 pages long at 12-point font. 97. Again, I’m probably too verbal. 98. But it feels good to write and to be myself. 99. I hope Jesus is pleased with that.

Clean & Green

Well, well... it would seem that being on Facebook has already assisted in my chronic blog neglect. I feel compelled to keep things as coherent as possible -- and Facebook, although beneficial for up-to-date info -- does not lend itself well to deeper contemplation. Hence, the blog. 

So... today marked the first of four community clean-up events in Reno during the month of April: Clean & Green. Other than getting my nose sunburnt (which isn't half bad since it is a sign that summer is near), I was reminded of much Truth.

Romans 8 tells us that creation was subjected to futility, but not willingly, and eagerly awaits the revealing of the sons of God; and today, during Clean & Green, some friends and I found a culvert that was absolutely screaming for redemption. We picked up more than 6 HUGE bags of garbage and made a pretty significant dent. However, there was so much more garbage to meet the eye than that of the physical. This culvert seemed to be subjected to the histories, futilities and idolatries of so many hurting people. Most of the garbage we picked up told of men and women who were held captive by substances, addictions, hopelessness... it was difficult to uncover so much garbage only to find more, and more, and more. 

If anything, today served as a reminder to get on with the job. There is so much -- too much -- that holds me back from being an agent of redemption in the world. It's all selfish. Creation's eagerly awaiting, the Holy Spirit's groaning, and Jesus is interceding for this miracle of redemption -- a work into which even angels long to look. How often am I aligned with these things?

I'm glad that this work will be finished one day. I'm glad that death will no longer reign in these mortal bodies and in the blink of an eye we will all be changed. The culvert and I are pretty happy about that. 

The World Is Now A Smaller Place

Okay, so the blog neglect is truly out of hand ... but if any of you still peruse this page, you should know this: I finally joined Facebook today. I know, I know ... I have vehemently fought it for a looooong time. I've given excuses, I've forgone fulfilling friend requests, deleting them from my inbox with trembling hands, trying so hard not to give in. But ... ironically enough ... my voice teacher is requiring me to do it. So, I've gone and done it. Moral of the story ... I'd love to be in touch. Hopefully this will help. Peace to you!

We Need To Talk

Have a seat. This may take a while.

Friends, being that the blog is the communicative tool that it is and being that I am as hungry for observations and insights as I am, I am going to open up a giant can of worms.

I am on staff at my church here in Reno and we are currently in the process of probing and exploring what is being termed the Emerging Church Movement. Yes, big can of worms. But we know that big worms catch big fish. Don't ask me what that's supposed to mean. : )

My first encounter with the words "emerging" and "emergent" was not a good one. A good friend of mine warned me of this phenomenon and it's penchant for watered-down or false doctrine. I looked it up myself, went to emergentvillage.com, and found little or no information. I was able to put the whole issue on the back burner for a while. That is, until it started hissing, the lid started jumping and fizzing and the whole pot boiled over onto everything. I can't ignore it now. It's something I have to think about ... pretty much every day. I have to stir this pot, look at its ingredients, taste it, carefully watch what I put into it and take out of it.

Honestly, the Lord has been faithful to lead us (the people I work with and myself) in Truth thus far. I have been amazed at how "not-scary" the conversation has been. There are indeed some exciting changes happening in Western culture and in the church. However, I proceed with caution, for as the day draws near, many will seek to have their ears tickled and egos stroked -- and turn away from the One who calls us to love enemies, bless persecutors, turn cheeks and who calls our hearts to embrace the sting of suffering.

Bottom line ... I want to know what you think. Anyone, everyone, from every context and country and culture ... if you have something to say, please do. What do you think is happening in the Western World? Are we experiencing a cultural shift? What does emerging mean to you? What have you found out there? I would love to hear your perspectives and thoughts. Shoot me a comment or an e-mail. Thanks, everyone.

Better Than Wine

"Reality is like a fine wine. It will not appeal to children." - A successful businessman in Portland, c/o the incomparable Donald Miller in his book, Searching For God Knows What ...

I have been a child in so many ways. Not a child in the "let the little children come to Me" sense, but a child in the most obstinate, strong-willed, human sense.

These last few years have seen many changes -- understatement. And I feel as if that statement passes my lips all too often, as if I'm trying to provide explanation for the new wrinkles around my eyes and the all too frequent discovery of gray hairs on my head. But don't let the wrinkles fool you; I'm still very much a child.

I've discovered over this past month that most of the pain in my life -- aside from the absolute blessing of the Father's discipline -- is caused by both my inability to say no, and my unwillingness to take no for an answer. There are times, whether it be regarding a decision to be made, a relationship with a gentleman, what have you ... when God answers my petitions with a resounding "no", and I barter and haggle until I get my way. Then I do. Then it hurts. Then I'm upset. Then I say things like, "Why are You doing this?" and "What on earth is happening?" ... oh, child.

A few weeks ago, I laid in bed one night, plagued with the recurring doubts of my past and youth (ironically enough), grieving over choices and things left unsaid, and I cried. Hard and loud, like a child. And I heard that "still, small voice" and He said, "No." He said no; and it was the absolute most comforting sound in the world at that moment. No! No, don't grieve any longer. No, don't question any longer. No, don't carry this guilt and shame. No, you can't have that dream. No, you have to wait. No.

I felt as if I could breathe again. In a moment my chest obtained greater capacity to breathe, to live. All because He said no ... and this time it was okay. No more fighting, no more haggling, no more sulking, no more shame. I am thankful that He has said "no" so many times. He has denied me things that will surely hurt me and said "no" to free me up for the things He will say "yes" to.

He is a good God.

Back to the wine ... I'm not at all saying that a person's distaste for alcohol has any correlation to their spiritual maturity. However, the principle is absolute. When you become a man (or woman) you put away childish things and put on maturity; this is a sign of falling in love, growing in love with Jesus. Your tastes change, you gain a greater capacity to perceive God and His glory with these feeble eyes and ears and taste buds.

I'm turning 23 in a week or so ... and I'm looking forward to growing up. I'm looking forward to being in relationship with Christ, having my tastes change, and thereby experiencing more of Him. I'm looking forward to having my life catch up with the wrinkles on my face and the gray hairs on my head. Praise God for choosing us to be in relationship with Him -- and for saying "no" when we need it so desperately.

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. " -Psalm 84:11

The Fatal Cut

".... but i don’t want medication just give me liberation even if it cuts my legs right out from under me don’t give me medication i want the real sensation even when living feels just like death to me." - Derek Webb, "Medication" "If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell." - Matthew 5:29-30 ___________________________________________________________________

Just some thoughts I've been having lately. -KB

___________________________________________________________________ Plastic surgery can be a scary thing. Given, there are times when it can be warranted, but that's more of an exception than a rule. Not only is socially acceptable, but it is socially expected when one is faced with a physical flaw, regardless of it's severity. It is the finding of a nose or a wrinkle, and adapting it to fit our own standards of perfection. And as an analogy to our inward being, it is a proceedure that is fatal. I know that I surgically alter my flaws. No, not in a physical sense, but in my deepest part. I know the fact that I am flawed haunts me, angers me, and I seek many solutions other than the one offered by Christ. But what He is asking for is amputation. He wants to offer the freedom that comes from cutting it off and throwing it far away. On one hand I've thought, "Maybe this is too violent. Doesn't the grace of Christ pay for this, and isn't cutting this limb from my life an attempt at self-righteousness? Am I trying to be in charge of my own cleanness and spitting in the face of Christ's mercy and grace?" This hand is right, to a certain extent. A healthy amputation can quickly become an act of self-mutilation if the grace of Christ isn't considered. If we cut off an offensive limb without believing that Christ is sufficient to lavish love and healing in it's place, we spit on Him. If we gauge out an eye in an attempt to make ourselves more worthy or acceptable in His sight, we deem Him incapable of loving us while we were yet sinners (part of what makes Him so amazing). The Great Physician would not prescribe amputation unless it were necessary. As terrifying as it is, we must approach the procedure with complete trust and obedience--anything less would be plastic surgery, a far more terrifying fate. 

This Sounds About Right, Doesn't It?

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